You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I need to sanitize my soul.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
