remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
