You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The ass gains better be worth it
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