I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
