is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
