McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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