Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
