I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We are two peas in an std pod
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
