The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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