found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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