After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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