Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
