The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
