i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
