Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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