and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize