Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
