dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize