I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
