Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
bring money and cleavage
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
