I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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