theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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