so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
