Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
