So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
