I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is my gift to your gina
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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