I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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