You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
