i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
