It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize