Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
