Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
