you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
