Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They took my balls.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
