Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
