I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
