I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize