my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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