the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
