I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
