I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
