Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
