i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
