I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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