I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sext me about skeletons
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
