Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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