I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
