My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
