I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
