i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
