even my farts smell like vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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