im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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