Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
