i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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