oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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