Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
