Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
