I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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