you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A bitchslap is in order.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
