I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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