I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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