Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize