Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
