i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
