I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
