So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
