i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
nutella sex= disaster
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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