I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
