My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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