i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
