is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
